A wise person once said, “If we want to figure out where we are going, we need to know where we came from.“ These are your stories and part of our journey as a collective whole. They deserve to be heard & shared with our community so that we can better understand one another. If you have a story to share and would like to see it on POSE.HOUSE, please drop us a message at Nowpose1989@gmail.com
As a 32 year old cis bisexual woman I don't think there's anything remarkable about my story and when I was asked to tell mine I wasn't sure what to say. My mom was everyone's mom and never judged anyone. She introduced me to drag queens and watched LGBTQ movies all the time. I grew up with an aunt that was a non binary lesbian long before there was a word for non binary. Even now, when asked about pronouns the answer is idgaf. My older cousin who was practically a sister I always knew as lesbian. My childhood bestie was bisexual, her mom a lesbian, my first Pride Fest was me being dragged along with my college classmate and his bf. My then bf (now ex)was bisexual and liked wearing the dresses i made. I grew up in the theater industry. And even now I make costumes and clothing for everyone from gay grooms to Trans pin up models. I'm even honing my tailoring skills to better make menswear tailored clothing for women. To be frank, I was one of the lucky ones. My family has always been welcoming to anyone in need of a safe space and when you grow up with that much love you can't help but spread it where you can. While some family members would be considered "old school" it never translated to disapproval or rejection. At times they may not understand but they at least make an effort to and even if they still don't get it it never changes what they think of you as a person. The LGBTQ community is such a large chunk of my life, before I even came to terms with my own queerness. I was lucky.
Author Watishia Parmlee
I am a 39 year old bisexual female. I have had the greatest love of all shown to me by a drag queen and her best friend. Here's my story:
Thinking back on the time in my life where I had no one. Completely homeless, broke and walking the streets with a bag. Put out of the only home I knew, I was broken and in my feelings until I heard loud laughter and someone yelling for me to come here. Her name was Lexi and his name was John, a beautiful drag queen and her bestie. I told them how I just got kicked out of my home and I had no where to go and she said we ain't got shit but each other and now we got you too. We stayed in the lodge america extended stay hotel for a month. I would help Lexi get ready for shows, we would party, laugh and drunk ugly cry all in 8 hours. We became a family unit just that fast. I was part of an unnamed drag house.
I finally got on my feet a little and was able to get a room by myself, not too far away either, just on the backside of the hotel. They ran into some hard times and got put out of the hotel and just as they did for me I let them stay with me. I have never felt this much love from people who didn't know me to accept me the way they did so staying with me was a no brainer. After about 2 weeks hun got a job in California. We cried as we parted ways and unfortunately we lost contact but I will never forget how they took me in and treated me as one of their own. Never once asking for anything in return. The LGBTQ+ community has always been in my corner and I will always be in theirs. Cheers to my drag sister Lexi and my bro John for teaching me about love and acceptance.
Author Watishia Parmlee
Even though I am not LGBTQ, I am a cis-heterosexual woman who believes in equality for every human on earth. If you have a heart, a mind and can give a hug, you are my equal. Growing up, I thought it odd every member of my family treated me like I was not a member of that family.
My dad left when I was just four years old. My mother was using drugs and an abundance of alcohol. Yeah, we had bugs and mice in our house; she didn’t clean much. Throughout the years I was beaten on by not only my mother, but also by my brother. At 12 my mother met a man who she moved in with. We found out years later that he was a child predator. He never went near me, thankfully but by then someone else in the family had gotten to me. I told my grandmother (maternal) and she would say things like, “What did u do?”
I took the abuse for 14 years, when I grabbed a tennis racket and beat the crap out of my brother. That tennis racket was in shards but he never laid a hand on me again.
I grew up broken and confused about why they hated me so much. To this day, I still don’t get their mentality; no one cares if I’m alive or in the hospital. No one wishes me a happy birthday. I just was at a loss.
I went to College and earned my degree in Social Work, got married and my two children came along when I was nineteen and then twenty-one. A few years into that marriage, I realized that having children together was no reason to stay in a marriage. We divorced after he brutally beat me. This led to a string of abusive relationships through the years because I didn’t know what “a good man” was. Around age forty-one I figured it out. A man came along who truly loves me and watches out for me. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what.
When I first watched POSE, I strongly identified with how it feels when no one wants you. It was that utter pain and misery of being left alone, with no family around. I felt for every character in POSE. I know what it’s like to make my own family: the joys , the sorrows and hardships. The best part is that life is better as long as we do it together.
I turned fifty this year. I was finally able to tell this man about the turmoil that I had been going through all that time. Before him, I was without anyone to tell about the evil things had happened to me. It was a chance to release the poison that had haunted me for all of those years. Since then, I’ve been feeling a little bit better with each passing day.
One day when I was at school, he sat down after I’d told him history. He wrote me a song to propose to me that day. I’d never cried so hard thru a song….
…because then I knew someone truly loved me.
Nov 22nd is an anniversary of sorts, because two years ago on this day I decided to finally truly live at 48 years of life....
I had been contemplating suicide again, all the pressures and the realization and honesty of who I truly was as a trans person came to a head. I describe it as a religious moment, one in which I was praying again for God to just let me die, give me the courage to just end it all. I could no longer live my life pretending and the easiest avenue of escape was to no longer live.
Thanksgiving was approaching again fast, I was so exhausted from all my years of pretending and acting in a way that pleased my family, friends, strangers and in my mind, compensating in ways to each person, so that they would not see the reality, the horror of what I was at the core of my being.......no, I just could not be found out.
I say a religious moment, because as I begged and prayed for God to take me.......give me courage to end my life, because there just was no more fight in me to survive anymore in this mixed up, alien and foreign state anymore. A moment, a devine moment of clarity washed over me......for other Christian's and ultimately the way I perceived it was a small still voice that prevaded my mind This voice washed out all the other noise and very clearly I perceived the thoughts, a small still voice that answered and said "I knew who you were before you were born" "I knew who you would become" "I love you, I accept you, go live your life as who I created you to be."
And at that moment I was truly set free, all of the weight I had carried up to this point was gone........I was set free from the prison bars that had held my happiness, held back my self identity, robbed me of my desire to live and ultimately set free the women who was always at my core. I decided to truly live authentically......
I have lost so much in the these two years, because I dare(d) to live authentically. Early in my decision to transition and in coming out, I became jobless, homeless, lost my vehicle, lost family and friends. Even though my marriage dissolved a few years earlier, it was a biproduct of my shame, the fact I couldnt truly explain my depression, behaviors and ultimately giving up the fight to stay married because of the turmoil that raged inside of me. Truly because of my being at odds with my gender identity and the shame that I felt because of it.
But I truly can say, my story, my journey is truly not about losses, but about the magnificent and truly incredible life I have gained because of my decision to live. All the new beautiful friends, old friends that stuck by me and accepted me, who I consider now as family and who have replaced those empty spots of blood family who have either turned away, stopped talking to me, inviting me over, especially for Thanksgiving or the lack of phone calls I used to receive around the holidays.
No, i've truly gained so much more than my losses. I now see them as blessings that I've gained in my new life. I've gained new family, new friends, a purpose for my life, new career opportunities, the ability to encourage and inspire others like me because of my struggles. I have gained my happiness, my desire to live and my being ok with people knowing and seeing the Trans women that I am. And, I have gained one of my greatest blessings, which is being able to feel and to truly love people again.
So, if you are family and reading this, I'm no longer saddened at not being invited over, not being included on the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, which is truly not my loss, but it's yours. You not staying connected or turning your back on me, is not my loss but yours. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and I am so blessed on my journey in being me and living my best life. I know I have alot of life to live and that my greatest blessings and joys are ahead of me......
I was raised in the church all my life pretty much, and y'all know how the church is when it comes to homosexuality and anything related. (Eyeroll) That is until I met Camali; before her transition, we dated for a year. I met her in church where she was giving her testimony as a man, saying how God delivered her from homosexuality and I was drawn to her spirit. Her pick up line to me was, "Who did yo hair?!" It was not cute lol. She came to my place with weave and did my hair plus my cousins and sister's hair. I was away at college during our relationship so we did a lot of talking on the phone. When I came home for summer break, she started to introduce me to her real friends, the ones that she was around the first time she was Camali. Yes she re-transitioned. She taught me acceptance and love for everyone. She told me she tried to hang out with people from the church but they treated her differently. We went to church every Sunday were even baptized together, but she was still introducing me to the LGBTQ community, parties and even a gay bar. She was teaching me acceptance of all people. Our break up was not a bad one, I mean I was crying because well, I was homeless and jobless but she had to break up with me. A couple of months later I went to job corps and she did my hair! She had on a girl's shirt, maybe trying to tell me she needs to be herself. I actually found out on Facebook that she was fully transitioned again. I was so happy for her. Truthfully, deep inside I knew she was not happy as a Christian man. I have known Camali longer as a woman and my big sister. I remember the first time I met her fully transitioned when she explained what it means to be transgender and she showed me her tattoo (a trans symbol with a male and female as one intertwined). She said I am still the same person, but I identify as a woman. I accepted her and always will. I watched her grow, at one point she told me to erase all her boy pictures because he is dead. Years later, she put her boy pictures up because she accepted that as a part of who she was. Camali taught me to be confident in myself! she said "Angela, I'm a trans. You know how fuckin' hard that is when talking to a guy?" Hearing that made me realize a lot, her confidence is amazing despite the hatred she has gotten and that is the lesson she wanted to teach me. Camali called me her Angel years ago, but truth be told, Camali is my angel because she taught me love and acceptance.
Angela & Camali